Focus on the Future
This exercise is to help you define what exactly you want, write the answers down and focus you attention on your birth or emotional experience. We often adamant that we want situations or things to change but becoming clear about what that change will look like, gives us a map to start our journey and also gives us a target. With a target you can see if you are nearing it or not. Below is a simple set of questions will help you to become a bit clearer about exactly what it is you want or where you would like to be.
The first part of this exercise is a set of questions, adapt them to suit your specific situation if you need to. Get a pen, find a quiet moment and work through them. This works best if you write it down.
The second part is involves a bit of imagination. Do it everyday for a few minutes and it will make a big difference to your feelings and motivation.
Part I
1. State what you want in the positive - not what you don’t want. Some examples would be; to feel happiness about my birth experience; to return to a “normal” state of body and and mind; to feel safe and happy; to look forward to the birth of my next child; to enjoy being a mother.
2. Where are you now? eg. frightened of giving birth again.
3. Think about the future, imagine a time when you have achieved what you want in no. 1. Let’s get more specific, exactly how will you know when you are there? Try to picture yourself clearly in that new reality, get into the details of what is different. Write down as much as you can, the thoughts, feelings you’ll have, how this new reality looks, what you’ll hear around you.
What will you hear? Perhaps you will hear yourself saying things, or perhaps you’ll hear people around you.
- What will you do? What will be different about the things you do?
- What will you look like? What will you see that will tell you things are different?
- How will you feel? Imagine yourself in that future.
4. What will you gain from this new reality? What will it allow you to do, or to be?
5..What are the positives you can take from your current situation? What have you learned? What have you valued in this experience?
6. Is there anything you will have to give up to get the outcome you want?
7. Is this done for you solely or for others? Who is affected by this outcome and in what way?
8. What do you have that can help you achieve this outcome?
9. What are the first three steps you can take towards it?
Part II
Think back over your answers to these questions. Begin to picture yourself as you have described. See yourself some time ahead and feel the feelings you have described, listen to what people are saying, listen to what you are saying and look at the world around you. Notice the changes in what you see and in how you feel about this new reality. Remember the journey you have taken to get there from where you were. Imagine how proud you feel, how relieved and how happy you are. Think of the people who share your happiness and see them smiling and rewarding you. Remember the wisdom you have brought from the difficulties you have experienced. Now conentrate on the feelings of happiness and well being, on the feelings of the people who love you and just make them a bit stronger. Get some colour and noises going and make this a big, bright, clear picture of the future. See yourself in it, then see yourself looking out of your own eyes at it. Congratulate yourself and enjoy the good feelings this gives you.
Practice seeing yourself in this way everyday for two weeks.